KiNdAfaBuLous
Texas is the Bestexas
I’m having a really hard time resigning myself to return back home to L.A. tomorrow. Since I am the O.G. “Mr. Suffers-from-Horrible-Anxiety-if-I’m-Gone-from-L.A.-4-Too-Long” (it’s such a sad, urban neurosis, let’s not even go into it, I’m already embarrassed typing that), I’m very surprised that I’ve been struck down with this sentiment of relaxation and resolution to stay here in Texas.
Don’t get it twisted, I love L.A. Hate it or love it: I am the personification of L.A. (Angelyne touched me for God’s sakes). But Texas has been so fun! Unexpectedly, I even decided to extend my stay here an extra day just because I was having so much fun. But I realize that this Texaphoria is just an escape, and a brotha has got responsibilities and Designing Women wine glasses to return home to.
Initially, the plan was quite simple for my Texas visit. Like any good best friend, I flew out to see Molly in Austin while she was there working (and going absolutely wild). And like any good brother, I took a bus from Austin to Houston, just so I could drive back to L.A. with my professor-sister during her summer off.
But then I went out in Austin, and a stranger showed Molly and I his peen, and everyone else has been just as, if not more friendly than that in Houston (Rocket). Actually, I say that excluding this one, solitary, basic dude.
Homeboy wore the scariest blue contacts I had ever seen, and he said something so horribly racist about Latinos that I was rendered speechless, and then amidst this horrific interaction, he tried to peacock himself in front of me!
Listen blue contacts: just because you derive an exorbitant level of deluded self appreciation due to your midlevel accounting/consulting job doesn’t make you important, like honey-please don’t make me giggle. Also, Real peacocks don’t need blue contacts (I could teach you, but I’d have to charge for my consulting services). And don’t worry y’all: I shamed him back down below the surface to the man hole he deserved to sink into.
Anyway, I’m now working on a project that I hope will allow me to ascend into something greater than I could ever imagine (ask, believe, and receive y’all). And while hiatus has been lovely, and while I could kiss the ground for all of my blessing and opportunities, it’s time for me to return home and get a new J.O.B. In reality, I need to turn up my focus, because even though I want to stay in the Lone Star, I also want to enhance my own star back home in L.A.
Besides, those Designing Women wine glasses aren’t gonna fill themselves! We all know Suzanne has got expensive tastes (just like me)!
So long, Lone Star-it’s been enchanting, earthy, sexy, and an emotional respite that I didn’t even know I needed.
You guys-I’m on a bus en route to Houston & could TOTALLY see myself getting arrested for singing this on repeat for the next 3 hours.
This song is so mystical.Phantogram - Don’t Move
All you know how to do is
Shake shake
Keep your body still, keep your body still
All you do is
Shake shake shake
Keep your body still, keep your body still
“I was on the plane with DeWayne, you can call me Whitley-I go to Hilman (HILL-MANE). Listen, I’m the baddest in school, the baddest in the game, excuse me honey, but nobody’s in my lane.”
Okay! I must speak on this! This article speaks to me so loudly. First of all, I commend these USC boys. I think that is so fabulous and amazing, and I think that they transformed a tremendous negative into a positive. Secondly, this CEO needs to get his life! His seriousness needs to take several thousand seats. While I can’t necessarily do the same, I can comment on this article with some snark and a personal anecdote. Beginning with this dude’s statement: it’s almost like the most laughably pathetic thing he could have said. It’s basically saying, “let me publicly screw my own brand over because I’m going to exclude a bunch of kids (aka sales and money, which sustain a company), just because they don’t fit into my retarded, entitled, obnoxious, Stepford worldview.” This man is his own personal Titanic. With that said, the reason this rings so true to me is because I dated this guy in college, who was like really, really cute. He went to B.U., and he was like “OMG I can’t believe how hot this guy is and the fact that he’s even like trying to get with this still blows my freakin mind every moment of every day” hot. Have I made it sufficiently clear how cute this dude was? And guess where he worked? That’s right folks, he worked at Abercrombie & Dick (in Cambridge). And after getting to know this kid better, I got to really bond with his unbridled narcissism. I can’t tell you how often he spoked about how good looking he was. One time, he even pulled out a photo of his brothers and was like, “Aren’t we such a good looking family”? I tried not to giggle, because like, who does that? And much less, who does that, laying on a bed, while on a date while trying to hook up with another dude? But let me answer this conundrum with ease and efficiency: this dumb-ass Abercrombie employee did all that. Please allow me to recount the one day I brought him chicken soup to his dorm because he had a bad cold, and out of kindness and miraculous patience shaded under intense feelings of “OMG can we make out all the time like forever?”, your’s truly sat there and listened to him brag about working for Abercrombie and how “exclusive” that was, and how only the best looking people worked there. Now, I didn’t need for him to say that without knowing that already, clearly I’ve been to an Abercrombie store. But still. It was so sad and pathetic and I knew right then and there-this motherfucka and I had absolutely no future, except for hot make outs! As far as I was concerned, he was just some vapid, cliche basic being, who drew extreme delight in his own appearance. And he felt that Abercrombie was the supreme embodiment of that sad truth, and sadly, that was true. Since I’m a stalker, clearly-I recently looked up some photos of him on Facebook, and let me tell you boys and girls-he ain’t no Abercrombie boy anymore. Time hasn’t been terrible to him, but it also hasn’t been that great either. He’s an “aight” at best now, and if that isn’t the supreme embodiment of “looks fade,” I don’t know what is. Back to the Abercrombie CEO saying what he said: if this dude I lusted after was a manager there, and this was the corporate culture they sustained, then I’m not surprised the CEO of Abercrombie & Dick made these comments. I’m disappointed, but I’m not surprised. I suppose he didn’t get the memo that why looks fade, charm and intelligence are forever. And who the hell wants to wear a puka shell in 2013 anyway?Handing out Abercrombie clothes to shame a self-absorbed brand
Recent USC graduate Greg Karper, along with a friend, has taken to the street of Los Angeles to voice his disgust with comments from Abercrombie Chief Executive Michael S. Jeffries that have recently resurfaced.Said Jeffries:
“Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely.”
To counter that “exclusionary” bend, Karper has purchased bundles of used Abercrombie clothes to hand out to the homeless of L.A., and is hoping that more people will do the same.
Anonymous
Q: Dear Ed, I've got a lady dilemma and I need your advice. You always have the best pearls of wisdom and I'm not quite sure who else to ask. In short, I recently started working as a TA for a professor that I had a class with a few months ago. She was always extra nice to be, even when she had a reputation for being harsh with other students. As the semester progressed I noticed that we had a lot of chemistry and I really wanted to pursue it. I thought better of it and let it go until she
A:
Hey There,
I love lady dilemmas. And thank you for complimenting my pearls of wisdom-I assure that you that they’re all 100% authentic and real, so you’ve come to the right place!
Honestly, I realize that this goes against every YOLO fiber in your (and my) body, but I think you’re initial instincts were right, and I think it’s almost an entirely terrible idea to get involved with your professor.
First of all, I don’t know the rules of your college/university, but that doesn’t seem entirely ethical to me. Secondly, I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but as a huge fan of the everlasting classic, “The L Word,” your story is an exact storyline from the second to last season.
Bette, played by the gorgeous Jennifer Beals, was an instructor/dean who was pursued by her T.A. (Jessica Capshaw), and let’s just say-things didn’t end well.
Now I know your situation is the exact inverse, but I still think it’s a bad idea, especially because I think it’s a little predatory when someone in a position of power pursues you for a professional opportunity with ulterior motives in mind.
Ultimately, you’re an adult, and you’re smart and structured, and you have the ability to discern right from wrong, but sometimes what we want and what we should do are two very different things. I realize that I can be kind of conservative and old fashioned, so my viewpoint can come from that sociological worldview.
It’s not like I’m saying ‘don’t take the opportunity to be a T.A., because you GOTTA GET YOUR’S, especially if you’re interested in getting a Master’s. But having a relationship with the professor that you’re T.A.’ing for just doesn’t feel like a good idea to me.
Frankly, I just see disaster (like when Amanda Bynes got that cheek piercing). Although some people like the high thrill of pursuing such disaster (I’m not one of those people).
Even though it could be fun and hot and sexy, aren’t there plenty of hot girls (your own age) scurrying about your campus (and or nearest girl bar/club)? And don’t you want to be more than just some T and A to an older LEZ-ZEY? I apologize for the rhyme, I just couldn’t really help myself.
Hope this helps!
XOXO,
Edward
