Hey! I'm Edward. I'm a writer, entrepreneur, and I've got a voice like an angel--please contain your jealousy.


To Publicly Shame or Not To Publicly Shame—THAT is the ?!?

So I’m sitting next to this clumsy-WALRUS-of-a-man at Susina Bakery, who just spilled an entire glass of water on the floor (some even splattered on my jeans), and is now pretending like he didn’t just spill that entire glass of water on the floor.

No sir.  He’s just going about his day, and he couldn’t care less about the spill.  And of course, OCD-ME is just staring at the puddle of water, freaking out that someone may walk by and slip on it, leading to possible bodily injuries and a subsequent lawsuit for some poor innocent passersby.

And that ain’t right.  This man should know better.  First of all, he should try to clean up this spill on his own, so he doesn’t inconvenience the staff of hardworking people, all busy doing their jobs.  Secondly, if he doesn’t intend to do that, he should get up off his WALRUS-ass and alert someone so no one gets hurt.  

Now, because of this man’s selfish apathy, I need to a) write this TUMBLR post; and then b) get up and go alert the Susina staff so someone can clean up this spill.  Trust and believe I’d clean this up myself, but I’d probably throw the wet paper towels in his face (or something else equally publicly shaming). 

Perhaps me getting up to go tell someone else about this spill is also somewhat aggressively publicly shaming?  But what can I say?  Sometimes, the public needs to be more ashamed.



(Source: mtv)

Life isn’t all Tanqueray and Tank Tops, but it should be.

Life isn’t all Tanqueray and Tank Tops, but it should be.

There's A New Tumblr That Collects Photos Of Boyfriends Who Look Like Each Other

This hits home for Mama.  First of all, I’ve been talking about this phenomenon, aka dating dudes who look exactly like them (or dudes dating ladies, or ladies dating ladies), for years without actually coining the term “boyfriend twin,” which is so spot on and amazing btw.  

Interestingly, I love how this blog’s intent is allegedly non-offensive: “The point of this blog is to start a conversation about narcissism, exhibitionism, and sexuality.”  

Oh you want to start a conversation, boo?  That seems a little “no tea, no shade, nice-nasty,” but okay!  Obviously this blog is meant to poke fun at the boyfriend twin phenomenon, which may or may not be indirectly offensive to some.

However, this person does go on to say that a lot of the boyfriend twin photos are self-submitted, which leads me to believe that there is an internal “a ha!”, self-aware, jokey vibe happening amongst the sexual dopplegangers.  And as long as they’re aware of it, I can get behind it I guess.

But I wouldn’t be keeping it 100 TRILLION if I didn’t say that there is something slightly creepy, slightly eye-roll-y about it all (love and light).  One can’t really deny that it’s not blatantly, inherently narcissistic to date someone who looks exactly like you.  

So in some ways, I suppose it really does open up a discussion about human sexuality (and biology) and what we all crave and desire.  I know my thoughts range from like:

a) Whyyyyyy (whyyyyyy whyyyyyy whyyyyyy)?! b) Oh hell to the NO! c) Do you jerk off in front of a mirror and kiss that same mirror (after you jerked off on it), you sicko? d) Why? e) Okay, to each their own, love and light! f) Date yourself, fuck yourself e) GET YOUR LIFE f) Fine.  Live and let live. g) Stop being so judgmental, Edward.  h) Nene Leakes “I had almost gagged GIF

And I suppose that’s the beauty of this boyfriend twin thing.  We can all date and fuck whomever we like, and that’s kinda great.  


Earlier, a mug shot popped up on my twitter, and I couldn’t believe how good-looking the “assailant” was.  Now, don’t get it twisted: I’m not one of those insane chicks who’s writing to the Scott Peterson like:

"Marry me, Scott!?  And please send me your semen so I can procreate with you so that we can carry on your monstrous, murder-y genes; because I’m a lonely shell of a human with no self-esteem who should probably be seeking in intensive therapy, instead of some sociopathic jailbird."

Nope, I’m not one of those.  Not really.  It’s just that I saw this one dude’s mugshot and was like, ‘Oh damn!  He fine’.  And again, look, I get it: my first reaction to someone’s mug shot shouldn’t be*ERECTION*, but some of those prisoners really are smokin’ (and I don’t just mean illegal substances).

I guess there’s no real point to this post other than I’ll be catching up on a little MSNBC’s “LOCK UP” this weekend. 


Diet Pills

Me:: Are you sure these diet pills are safe?

New Friend:: WHO GIVES A FUCK?!

Love @midnight SO MUCH. Also, who knew the grossest thing I’ve ever tweeted would be my most popular?? #’Merica

Love @midnight SO MUCH. Also, who knew the grossest thing I’ve ever tweeted would be my most popular?? #’Merica


Facial expressions roomie and I give each other on the daily.

Brenda’s face/spirit are timeless.

(Source: 90210stupid)

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