http://znl.me/P5XDJ6 Follow Subway on Twitter. Mmmmmmm deelishis
What Dreams are made of on a Friday
I’ve worked really hard this week, til almost 11pm every night, so I feel like I’m entitled to a RUGGGGGGGGGED good time tonight. Here’s what I plan on doing in the next 30 mins: 1. Peace outta this bitch 2. Run home, veg for 30 mins, then head to my completely overpriced gym on the Sunset Strip and work on my fitness 3. Go Home, pick up my ill-behaved puppy, and take her...
Just thinking about the closeted boy in Manhattan who ruined my life for 3 years #IwillH8u4eva
My Dad just walked into the office and I shouted “HIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii DAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad” in my most obnoxious, young Macaulay Culkinesque voice. Unfortunately, I didn’t notice the important looking gentleman following right behind when he walked through the doorway. My sister just gave me a death stare, but OH WELL!
A Branding Party
Ok, so without saying too much, I’m going to be PERSONALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR RE-BRANDING a juice line!!!!! Well, my sister will help me too, but I’m totally clueless like “what does sporadic mean?” Every idea that I’m coming up with feels lame. It seems like every time I get a good idea, I surf the web and find out my idea is already taken (PSYCHIC THIEVES!!!!). So...
An Expert on Seafood Safety
That’s what I am, technically speaking. If you guys are curious about the biological hazards present in sardines, or the parasitic tendencies of certain scrumboid species, then I’m your man. Let me emphasize this: that is not the only thing I do at my business. I actually do about 100 different things that range from being my father’s slave to billing to client relations to...
Real Housewives: Teresa's Take on sending the... →
Genius. People Magazine gave Teresa Guidice’s a weekly column so she can sound off on the Real Housewives of New York. Teresa always tells it like it is, so it’s really fun to hear her dish it to the other housewives. My favorite thing she had to say: “I’m going to be in and around New York and seeing the New York Housewives all week. If anyone tries to deliver “a message” to...
“About to Set It Off in this bitch JADA PINKETT” #Drakeisms
Is there a Pooooooool???
Me: Hey!!! Um, Mom? Sorry you sound just like my mom right now
Molly: Oh nah, I have a cold!!!
Me: Ooooh ok, well I found us a hotel on orbitz, and it'll be like $60 a person for the night.
Molly: Oh ok, cool cool. Is there a Pooooooooooool????
Me: LOL, um, I don't know...
Molly: Well you should find out
Me: LOL, you're totally right. Shit, if we gots to come out the pocket for 60 Big Ones, they're better be a fuckin poooooool
Me: I mean, if they have the AUDAAACITY to ask us to spend 60 1 Dollar Bills, they're should at LEAST be a pool
Molly: Exactly. If we're going to be in the desert, we need to be able to at least dip ourselves in a pool
Me: Good point, I'ma call them now and I will call you back
The Sunglasses Blues
I’m sad to report that yet ANOTHER pair of my Gucci Sunglasses bit the dust today. Gia was hungry apparently. And I’m a little sad because they were so beautiful and so new and so unique, but it’s chill, they were just material things HOW COULD SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKINNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG...
GARBAGE: “SPECIAL” This is on replay in my heart.
NI#$Z ANIT SHIT, HAVE KIDS DNT TAKE EM, THEN HAVE THE NERVES 2 GET MAD AT U...– Ok, you guys… this is my friend, Daughnette’s FACEBOOK status update from Monday. Daughnette keeps it REAL. Reeeeeeeal REAL :)
Why would you want someone to follow you on Twitter? I guess it might feel like...– Julianna Margulies from W Magazine May 2010 -I actually laughed when I read that because it came off so bitchy and dismissive, and then I was all, ‘Don’t Hate Julianna Margulies!’ The truth is: Twitter is actually a unifying source in an increasingly isolating world. ...
Um, I just read that someone named “anonymous” had something to say about one of my favorite bloggers/internet homie(o)s and his children. First of all, if you haven’t checked out Steven’s TUMBLR, do so immediately. Folkinz makes me LOL on the daily and he’s really smart and dry and sarcastic and awesome, so yeah do check him out. Secondly, if...
Chain Letter 2: Gawker's argument for boycotting... →
And then in a final act of desperation, the old innocent Heidi finally kicking out the chair, Montag got something like ten plastic surgeries at once, changing her entire face and body to something immovable and unrecognizable. She became some sort of version of Heidi as she imagined the show… Wow, plucked the words right from my brain.
Dad is on a Forklift
Sister: Are you going to come downstairs and help us?
Me: I'm eating my lunch (irritated/looking at people.com)
Sister: Well, that's great, but Dad is on a forklift and I'm pouring ice into fish tanks...
Me: Oh shit. He is? Ok, let me finish this soup and I'm there.
Shattering the Fantasy
Lately, it seems like all of my fantasies about people are being shattered, sorta like Lladro pieces in a messy upper middle class divorce (I imagine). And frankly, I’m getting really sick of it. Every time I seem to have a fantasy about someone, or even an illusion about who I think someone might really be as a person (despite me not knowing them too well), the real life person always...
Go Sandy :) love that woman
Baby Bash: “Fantasy Girl” Baby Bash...
"Meet Sandra Bullock's Baby Boy" →
You guys, I don’t know why this whole saga is making me so emotional, but I am SO HAPPY for Sandra Bullock, and the fact that she adopted a baby and kept it a secret for so long is just like too much for me to handle; she truly is a class act and an amazing human being. When I say “thought you knew” as a means of asserting hidden truths, this is like the ULTIMATE THOUGHT YOU...
arandomashley asked: Kim Zolciak's Tardy For The Party or Countess Luann de Lesseps Money Can't Buy You Class?
"Edward Gets a Record Deal"
My new reality show. Has a nice ring to it right?
6 Months Old and Pregnant
Sometimes I worry about Gia getting pregnant even though she’s only 6 months old. On the days we can’t bring Gia into work, we drop her off at Bam Bam’s house, so she can have a play day. Since Gia is still a puppy, we never thought that there would be any sexual tension between her and Bam Bam, but from what I’m hearing, Bam Bam is increasingly getting the hots for Gia;...
Whenever you order a Cosmo at a Brewery in a historic fishing town, you tend to stick out like a SORE FUCKIN THUMB!!! #Marissa Tomeisms
http://znl.me/P55F5N Crossing the bridge into San Pedro. Depeche Mode on the subwoof
Having a Liquid Lunch
I’m in San Pedro, California, a historic fishing town at the San Pedro Brewery sipping on a Cosmopolitan waiting to meet up with Romee, aka “ThePortTownie” on TUMBLR. It’s a Monday at 2:30pm, and my week is already shaping up to be one of “those weeks,” so I figure that I’m entitled to a liquid lunch. Just one of dem weeks.
'What is this? The Ugly Purse Party?'
Last night, my family and I went out to dinner for my and my sister’s b-days. We always do a joint b-day dinner since I was born on 4-20 and my sister was born on 4-22, not in the same year though! Since I’m the youngest and the most entitled, I got to pick the restaurant, and I went with Louise’s Trattoria, which is like a slightly nicer, West Coast Vinnie Testa’s (if...
If you can’t control your unleashed, poorly behaved dog, I WILL #innerthoughts
My goodness. Sonia Morgan maybe taking the lead as my new favorite New York housewife. #SocialiteMilfs
Aw I have a new crush. His name is David and he works at Geek Squad. But keep it on the hush #tru
Daaaamn. Does anybody have any gum up in this Apple Store??
Everyone at the Geek Squad is so confident. And ya LOVE IT!!!!
Damn honey. Love, Ed Hardy much?
The Circles run small when you’re Fabulous
Droppin sake bombs like rhymes
I really need to see E40 in concert like Snappp yo Fingaaaas!!
“Boy, I can see u smilin.’ Standin on your own island”- #T-Painisms
I’m not being too dramatic. It’s just just how I gotta have it. #Ciaraisms