The Real Life Raven-That's Not So Raven

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 14:45:00 -0800

High above my charming, suburban I.R.L. Gingerbread House/English cottage, there lives a giant bird of prey. He or she resides in the massive, sequoia-esque pine tree in my front yard. As you all may know (or may not know if you’re new to my blog), I am terrified of birds. Their nervous, fluttery energy petrifies me, and I’m always scared that I’ll be clawed by a bird and scarred for life.

One might say this heightened fear of the bird may be attributed to the canary that bit me on the nose when I was a little boy, the movie “The Birds,” and the Edgar Allen Poe story “The Raven”; or one might just say I’m a freaked out, neurotic, head-case “who be dealing with some issues that you won’t believe.” Either way-I’m scared of birds.

One thing that scares me more than living birds is actual, dead birds. Without jest-I ask you-how revolting it is to see the carcass of a dead, mauled bird? Live pigeons are disgusting, and dead pigeons are abundantly more so! It’s like the fleeting nature of life is constantly thrown in your face when you see a dead bird, and it’s just so gross! I almost wish that they didn’t exist just so I wouldn’t have to look at their dead carcasses on the street (okay, fine, I do wish that they’d exist).

Recently, I’ve been noticing some strange things in my front yard. Namely, I’ve seen feathers everywhere, and I’ve also noticed a bunch of chunks of feathers on the grass (with residual red stains on them). Now, I’m no bird anatomist, but I would venture to say that these “chunks of feathers” are nothing more then the remains of the half-eaten birds this giant bird of prey has been feasting on in my tree! Of all places to snack on a crow, this giant bird of prey has chosen my tree and my front yard to dispose of them in!

Is that not the most Edgar Allen Poe-ian, cruelly ironic thing you have heard of? This giant, raven-esqe bird is literally eating other birds and coughing up their dead bodies in my front yard in some gory spectacle for me to take not of, and it’s abominable and horrifying and so not very Raven!

KiNdAfaBuLous

The Real Life Raven-That's Not So Raven