Hey! I'm Edward. I'm a writer, entrepreneur, and I've got a voice like an angel-please don't be intimidated by me.

KiNdAfaBuLous

Officially, but unofficially, but officially: I may have seen just one too many Beyonce videos. Earlier tonight, I found myself at Gold’s Gym-trying to burn off the 5-10 extra pounds I gained over the weekend, and I bumped into a trainer-bartender I know. Since my ear phones were inserted so tightly I can almost guarantee that I’ll be wearing a hearing aid by 40 (Demi Lovato was piercing my ear drums obviously)-I couldn’t hear exactly what he said to me, but I could imagine it was something along the lines of “hello.” Naturally, I mouthed “hello” right back, but then I saw his lips moving for an extra few seconds, and I had no idea what words flowed forth from his friendly, agreeable mouth; so I removed my ear phones-only to hear him follow up “hello” with “how are you?” How absurb right? I couldn’t even imagine that “how are you” would tailgate “hello”-seems like an odd, unnatural combination, right? The next thing I remember from the trauma: me saying a “hello” back to him like a 1930s Vaudaville performer, followed by an unintentionally flirtatious shoulder-shimmie. Yes, everyone, I shimmied both my shoulders and giggled while saying “hello” back to this innocent trainer-bartender, who was merely trying to be polite and express his kindness via the standard conversational paradigms: “hello” and “how are you.” And sadly enough, as many Beyonce videos as I’ve seen: I can pretty much guarantee that my peculiar, misplaced, shoulder-shimmie was probably nowhere near as awesome as Beyonce’s iconic, debatedbly “Sasha Fierce” shoulder-shimmie in the “Countdown” video. Hopefully my alt-egos decide to stop rearing their ugly heads in public, or at least in front of kind, polite, semi-hot trainer-bartenders.

Officially, but unofficially, but officially: I may have seen just one too many Beyonce videos. Earlier tonight, I found myself at Gold’s Gym-trying to burn off the 5-10 extra pounds I gained over the weekend, and I bumped into a trainer-bartender I know.

Since my ear phones were inserted so tightly I can almost guarantee that I’ll be wearing a hearing aid by 40 (Demi Lovato was piercing my ear drums obviously)-I couldn’t hear exactly what he said to me, but I could imagine it was something along the lines of “hello.”

Naturally, I mouthed “hello” right back, but then I saw his lips moving for an extra few seconds, and I had no idea what words flowed forth from his friendly, agreeable mouth; so I removed my ear phones-only to hear him follow up “hello” with “how are you?” How absurb right? I couldn’t even imagine that “how are you” would tailgate “hello”-seems like an odd, unnatural combination, right?

The next thing I remember from the trauma: me saying a “hello” back to him like a 1930s Vaudaville performer, followed by an unintentionally flirtatious shoulder-shimmie. Yes, everyone, I shimmied both my shoulders and giggled while saying “hello” back to this innocent trainer-bartender, who was merely trying to be polite and express his kindness via the standard conversational paradigms: “hello” and “how are you.”

And sadly enough, as many Beyonce videos as I’ve seen: I can pretty much guarantee that my peculiar, misplaced, shoulder-shimmie was probably nowhere near as awesome as Beyonce’s iconic, debatedbly “Sasha Fierce” shoulder-shimmie in the “Countdown” video. Hopefully my alt-egos decide to stop rearing their ugly heads in public, or at least in front of kind, polite, semi-hot trainer-bartenders.

20 notes
July 16, 2012
  1. kindafabulous posted this

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