Q: Something I've learned about myself is that I'm actually more of a jealous friend than a jealous girlfriend. Isn't that weird? With a dudefriend it's like ok- you're committed to me, you're choosing to spend your time with me, but a friend can just go and spend their time willy nilly with just anybody AND can just ignore me whenever they want! What do you think about this?
When my lesbian BFF got into a relationship, I told her flat out: “I feel like you’re my boyfriend, and I am jealous, and I need to know how we are going to deal with this.” And she laughed because a) I called her my boyfriend b) I’m crazy c) she and I both knew she really wasn’t going anywhere (she knows what she’s got).
I’ve learned to let go, because it’s all about trust. You have to trust your friends. They’ll come around (eventually). However, if they’re just too busy or too unavailable to you, you just have to take a few steps back and do you 100 in some other way. Perhaps you should be spending time with other friends-not vindictively mind you-just in a “hey I’ve got other people and places to do!”
Trust-I’ve totally been there-being jealous of my friends spending time with other friends or their significant others, but as I’ve gotten older-I’ve learned to detach from those feelings because they aren’t good for the friendship. You’re allowed to say, “hey-I feel like you’re not spending that much time with me, and that hurts my feelings.”
But you are not allowed to be like, “HEY! WHY ARE YOU SPENDING SO MUCH TIME WITH YOUR OTHER WORTHLESS, BOGAN FRIENDS-DO YOU THINK THEY ARE AS SPECIAL OR AS FUNNY OR AS FABULOUS AS ME!??! DID YOU THINK THAT!?? CAUSE IF YOU DID YOU ARE SORELY MISTAKEN!!!’
Don’t say that :) Take it from experience-it’s a little cray. But with “real” friends-you can be upfront, and they will ultimately come around make sure they are spending enough time with you. And if they don’t-like I said-fill your time with the people who will give you just as much of a return as you do to them. You can’t waste your time on people who aren’t reciprocating. There are no games to be played-it’s just about invest and yield and shit.
Hope that resonates ;)